jiesi

Why am I so stupid? When will I learn my lesson? Don’t I know by now that I’m undesirable? Or maybe it that I’m so broken and made lame… I tell myself not to have that little sliver of hope. “You are a fool” “But there are others who are worse off than I that find love” “ that’s what you think, your worse then having your head on backwards like what your ex said” It’s just the same conversation over and over. I get nowhere talking to myself and just get hurt again. I am done, I try to convince myself. But I know. I know I’ll be stupid. I’ll continue to love and have hope. Maybe one day someone will hold and love me. I’m just a stupid fool.

My heart is like an old house frozen in the dead of winter. A mound of snow cracking above the door way Waiting to fall on someone. The wind blows the door open I close it again It gets blown open on occasion I’m always closing it. I rush to close it before you come in. I pretend I don’t see you though the frozen over window. I know what you want. You want to come in from the cold To find a warm bed But there’s no heat here The door to my heart has been already closed

Will you hurt me Claiming to love me What will it be? Im not so fragile I endured so much Here I stand. Will you love me Can you cause more pain Are you not right for me Or will you be the best thing I’ve ever known Can you heal me? Or will you break me even more? If you knew If you could show me love and happiness would you cherish me Or take a pass